


Starting in my Heart

by polytropic



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, Warning: Domestic Abuse, warning: physical abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-04
Updated: 2012-11-04
Packaged: 2017-11-17 17:32:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/554154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polytropic/pseuds/polytropic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scott finally wins an argument with Derek Hale.</p><p>(Some of Derek's actions on the show have bothered me, and I'm pretty sure that if Scott had seen them, they would have bothered him too.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starting in my Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [And Blues Was All I Found](https://archiveofourown.org/works/554076) by [affectingly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/affectingly/pseuds/affectingly). 



> Warning: this work contains discussion of past physical abuse, past domestic abuse, and some explanation of how that abuse was justified to the person doing it. The narrative and I do not excuse or condone any of the abuse discussed herein, and if I'm not doing a good enough job of making that clear, or if there's something else about this fic that is pinging you as wrong, please let me know. 
> 
> affectingly's "And Blues Was All I Found" is listed as a related work here, because it was posted just as I was losing steam on this story and turned out to be exactly the same idea. I wanted to acknowledge not only that they're very similar, but that it was very inspiring for me and is pretty much the reason I got this done. 
> 
> Also I keep naming things after pop songs. I really have no shame, apparently. Sorry Adele.

Scott finds out about how Derek "trained" his betas about three months after the Alpha Pack leaves for good. It's during a lull in the craziness of his life: Peter is dead again, Jackson is back and at least 15% less of a douchebag, Boyd and Erica’s scars are finally starting to fade, and even though Allison is still on leave from everything supernatural, including Scott, she'll sit with them at lunch sometimes as long as they promise not to talk about anything wolfy.

Overall, things are really good. And then during video games one night Isaac makes an offhand comment about "not having my ass kicked like that since Derek was trying to teach me to fight." Stiles, because Stiles notices things, looks at him immediately with a "wait a minute" expression. He gets so distracted frowning at Isaac and trying to read his mind by squinting really hard (Scott knows that's what that face means, Stiles has used it since sixth grade and still seems convinced it'll work some day) that Scott launches his obnoxiously pink Kirby ass into the atmosphere and Stiles has to stop staring at Isaac in order to moan and whine and throw pretzels at Scott.

Scott remembers that something was weird about that moment just as Isaac's leaving to go back to the Hale house.

"Hey. What did you mean, about Derek kicking your ass when he trained you?"

Isaac does that lopsided shoulder shrug that looks so weird and at the same time elegant. "He was hard on us. He wanted us to be ready."

"Yeah? Like how?" Scotts asks, something squirming uneasily in his stomach. Isaac tells him.

Ten minutes later Scott is slamming his way into the dark, disintegrating house in the woods. Isaac is back in Scott's room, because Scott snarled at him that he wasn't going to go to Derek tonight or ever again, and now Scott's here to make sure of it.

"Derek!" He can hear Derek move upstairs. He probably knows that there's not an emergency because Scott isn't panicked, so he's ignoring him. Scott is so angry he's having trouble making his tongue even work to form words. "DEREK! Come out right now!"

"Scott, _what_?"

Derek stomps down the stairs as if it’s the biggest burden he’s ever had to bear. He always acts like Scott is this stupid little kid bothering him while he's trying to do something important. But he doesn't actually _do_ anything; he just sits in this house and, apparently, hurts people for fun.

“You broke Isaac’s arm!”

Derek looks at Scott as if he’s crazy. “I haven’t seen Isaac all week. He’s been with you. His arm is broken?”

“No! You broke it before, last year, when you were living in that dumb train!”

God, if Derek doesn’t remember, if he _doesn’t even remember_ —

“He wasn’t taking the drills seriously, so I disciplined him. What’s your point?” Oh, so he remembers, he just doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Scott is so angry. He’s so angry, he feels like he wants to kill Derek, he wants to go back in time and kill Derek before he had a chance to do all this awful crap.

Derek must sense something, some sort of violence in Scott’s eyes, because his head comes up fully and he shifts his stance a little, threatening.

“Whatever you’re upset about, Scott, it happened months ago. And you have no business telling me how to train my betas.”

“I am totally allowed to tell you not to abuse your betas!” Scott snarls, and Derek’s eyes widen.

“Abuse?”

“Yeah, you jerk, that’s what that’s called!”

For a minute Scott thinks Derek is actually listening to him, for once. But instead Derek just sighs. “Scott, you’re confused. Pain is part of being a werewolf. It’s how we learn. It’s how betas learn to obey the Alpha, and learning not to care about pain is the only way we survive. It’s not your fault that you’re young, but you need to let go of this naïve idea that no one ever has to get hurt.”

A year ago, Scott would have given up right now. He wouldn’t have known what to say next. He just would have stood there, breathing hard and furiously and trying not to cry because he knew Derek was wrong but he didn’t know why, much less how to say it in a way that made sense.

But Scott has grown up a lot since then. He takes a deep breath, and compromises with his rage by letting his eyes flash but not letting his fangs grow.

“You think that not caring about hurting people makes you stronger. You’re wrong. It makes you weaker, Derek, because then someone like me tries to talk to you and you don’t get it! You’re turning into someone who can’t even understand that hurting people is a bad thing to do, and that’s just…that’s the _worst_. Maybe you don’t get that somehow, but _come on_ , every single person who has fucked with our lives in the past two years has done it because they were selfish and didn’t care about other people getting hurt! You’re being Gerard Argent, Derek! You’re being—”

“I am being exactly the kind of Alpha I need to be to keep my pack safe and in line!” Derek snarls, and Scott roars right back because his throat does that now, he never mewls any more when he tries to howl.

"You can't just hurt people because they don't do what you want! You can't break their arms, you can't DO THAT, it's not okay to hit somebody just because they're smaller than you or they're weaker than you or they MAKE MORE MONEY!"

At this point Scott realizes that he's not really yelling at Derek any more, so he stops.

Derek doesn’t say anything. Scott is grateful for that, because really, what could he say at this point? ‘So your dad hit your mom once and said some really awful things and made you feel stupid and weak and helpless and then he left? Big deal, my family burned to death right where you’re standing’?

Only Derek never says things like that. He never talks about his family dying as if that excuses everything—instead he talks about pain teaching you things, and the world being cruel, and there being no time to talk, no time to do anything but survive however he thinks you need to.

Scott is still angry, but more than that, he just feels tired. He feels really alone these days, and he wants to be on someone’s side. He wants to be on Derek’s side, but Derek _keeps doing things like this_. Sometimes Scott thinks that Derek does it on purpose; that he doesn’t know how to make sense of the world around him unless it’s cruel and ruthless and he knows he’s doing something wrong.

Scott takes a deep breath and manages to half-unclench his hands. "Would you have done that to Isaac if he had been human?"

"Of course not!" Derek snaps, like the question is ridiculous, and Scott kind of wants to punch him.

"Jeez Derek, then why does him healing faster make it okay? It took him five hours instead of five weeks, that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. You promised to help him and then did exactly what his dad did to him, that's _not okay_!"

Derek finally looks shocked, as if something Scott’s saying is getting through to him, so Scott doesn’t give him a chance to recover before he keeps pushing.

“Also, you know what doesn’t heal as fast as bones? When you break someone’s trust in you, it doesn’t come back on its own. Some day you’re going to reach for that trust and really need it to be there for something and it isn’t going to be because you didn’t take the time to realize all the ways you were breaking it.”

“I’m not here to be trusted,” Derek starts, and Scott cuts him off.

“Yeah, I know, you’re here to make sure we survive. That’s stupid, Derek. You’re here to be a person. And people don’t break other people for fun.”

“You think this is _fun_ for me?” Now Derek is really angry, and it gets Scott’s claws out just from the tone in his voice. He clenches his fists for a long moment, flexes his hands once, out-in, and the claws go back down.

“If it’s not fun, and it’s not _working_ , stop doing it.”

“It works.”

“Sure. That’s why Boyd and Erica still haven’t come back to your pack. Because your strategy works so well.” Scott can’t stay here any longer. If he doesn’t leave he’s going to change and jump Derek, and Scott has gone through that pattern often enough to realize that if Derek wins the physical fight, it’ll feel to both of them like he won the argument too. Werewolf instincts are stupid sometimes.

He turns to go, despite the twitchy feeling in his spine that says he has an enemy at his back. At the door, he pauses.

“Hey, did you know I told Isaac he could come be in my pack? That I wasn’t a real Alpha yet but I’m getting there and he could be my second.” Scott hears Derek’s breath stop, the sudden clear absence of sound. “And you know what he said? He said he wanted to stay with you.

 “You can be the person that deserves that from him, or not. Your choice.”

~~

Two weeks later Boyd and Erica show up back at school. Their scars are healed completely, much faster than they were managing on their own without an Alpha’s presence. At lunch Erica carefully paints on brilliant red lipstick, thick and flawless, and then presses her lips to an apple, leaving a perfect imprint behind. The next minute Scott it catching something whizzing straight at his face, and it’s only when he stops panicking—seriously, that thing was high-speed, he almost just died by _fruit_ —that he realizes this might actually be Erica’s more honest version of blowing a kiss. He stares at them, two solitary figures in leather jackets with the rest of the school avoiding their table. Erica pointedly takes out a mirror and starts fixing her hair. Boyd holds Scott’s gaze steadily, head lifted proudly despite the three parallel gashes that are still visible along the side of his face. He nods, once, and then ignores Scott for the rest of lunch.

“Derek called my cell,” Isaac says as they’re heading out onto the soccer field. Scott can’t see much of his face through the lacrosse mask, but it’s still in the way that Isaac goes sometimes, as if he’s been carved from some incredibly delicate stone.

“Yeah?” Scott prompts after a minute of Isaac being silent. “What’d he want?”

Unless Scott is just making things up, Isaac’s half-smile looks a little less bitter than usual. “He said he’s sorry.”


End file.
